


Tony Stark Collector of Strays

by MysticMedusa



Series: 5+1 [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Adorable Loki, BAMF Tony Stark, Cats, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, M/M, Sassy Bucky Barnes, The Author Regrets Nothing, adorable Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 08:12:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10567227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMedusa/pseuds/MysticMedusa
Summary: Tony Stark collects strays of all kind whether it be human, feline, or alienorTony Stark is an indestructible adorable badass who takes care of what's his





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note for this story: It's crack treated seriously but still crack. the story is suppose to be funny/adorable, don't take it that seriously

1

 

 

The avengers had no idea why Tony had invited them all to stay in the tower. It had been odd to suddenly be invited after the battle of New York so none of them really accepted the offer. At least not right away anyways.

While the others didn’t respond to his invitation Tony went back to his life of inventing and occasionally going to boring meetings for Stark Industries. It was after one of these meetings that he was walking to go get a coffee from a nearby café he loved. A sound attracted his attention and while he was a genius that knew not to check out every little thing he heard this was one of those times his genius could be questioned.

In the alley he was passing he found within the trash a cat jumping down from it to take a rotting sandwich to its kittens nearby. He looked at the six kittens of black, white, and light brown fur. A single call to Happy had the driver arriving with fresh tuna and a carrier for the family.

The mother cat was likely a former house cat as she didn’t scurry away from him and took a liking to him probably for stopping her from poisoning her kittens with rotten food.

He took the family to the vet but the mother had no chip or a way to see who her former owner might have been.  At least the cats were healthy but he had made the mistake of spoiling them with tuna. Pepper was getting a laugh out of it as cats had domesticated the great Tony Stark and put him on a normal schedule. The cats would meow at him if he didn’t go to bed on time and they woke him when they wanted to eat which was at eight a.m. every morning. So like a zombie needing brains he’d do his half dead walk to the kitchen for coffee and set tuna out for the little bastards that he will deny until the day he dies he loves to death.

 

 

2

 

 

Several months after the fall of Shield Captain America AKA Steve Rogers was running off with his newest best buddy looking for his old best buddy. Tony had hear through the grapevine and somehow that made him a bit sad that the team he was supposed to be a part of never bothered to actually contact him. He sighed as he held his bag of baked goods that would help ease his lonely soul. A noise caught his attention and without hesitation he went to check it out. Another alley and somehow he got the feeling he’d end up with another stray. This stray just happened to have a different type of claws and wasn’t a cat.  

Seeing an exhausted former Hydra assassin struggling to hold his own against a group of what was likely Hydra agents was pissing Tony off. He changed his watch to form into the portable iron man gauntlet and fired at the agents. When they fall swooped in and took one of their guns. Without hesitation he shot one of each of their legs and then called Coulson.  Yes he knew Coulson was alive, he was a paranoid bastard and was spying on Shield because he knew either Fury and Coulson were immortal or they had endless clones. Those two would never die and Tony was willing to bet half his fortune on it.

While he waited for Coulson he ignored the Hydra agents curses and looked to Bucky Barnes.

“Hey, so you look like shit and could use a safe place to rest. Want to hang out at my tower at least until you don’t look like you’re going to pass out? I have donuts.”

Bucky just looked confused.

“Why would you think I’d trust your tower is safe?”

“Because I’m the dragon that guards it.”

As though to further prove this point one of the agents attempting to get to their weapon that was taken from them was shot in the arm by Tony who was still looking at Bucky. The bullet met its target and Bucky had to wonder why Tony’s file said nothing about how dangerous he was.

“So donuts and safety.” Bucky said giving the inventor all he needed to hear.

The donuts were handed over and before Coulson could arrive Happy had the former assassin on his way to the tower that was protected by a dragon AKA Tony Stark. When Coulson and his team arrived the new director of Shield asked what happened and upon hearing they had targeted the former winter soldier Coulson saw the look in Tony’s eyes that said he would not like fighting the genius for the soldier. With the promise Bucky wouldn’t be a threat Tony returned to his tower to find the soldier hopping away from the cats that trailed after him seeking the sugary sweets.

“Hey you little bastards no taking Bucky’s food.”

Bucky apparently wasn’t expecting six kittens and mama cat to suddenly change the focus of interest to the genius they used as a climbing post. Bucky watched as he continued to eat the sweets and noticed Tony didn’t complain as the cats just stayed there hanging from him except the cat with black and white fur that stayed on his shoulders and swiped away all others who dared try to take it’s place.

“So you like cats?”

“No I just happened to pick up strays a lot. So introductions, I’m Tony and this is my horde of cats. The one on my shoulders trying to murder all the others trying to take his place is Smaug, the one who keeps trying to take his place even though it’s a losing battle is Lokitty named after the insane little brother of our favorite god of thunder, the one with white fur only on his paws is Mittens and don’t you dare judge me on that name, the mama cat is Big Mama I know it’s unoriginal but I was tired when I started calling her that, the one that looks like Steve when he wears his ‘Captain America is disappointed in you face’ is Captain Righteous and if you ever tell Steve why I named him that I might just throw you through a window, the all black cat with the eyes that scream she’s going to kill you is Natalie and if you don’t know the backstory just know never to get on the black widow’s bad side because it’s not pleasant to be stabbed by her, and the last one is Catbird because he jumps off things like freaking Hawkeye but unlike our resident archer I’m pretty sure he thinks he can fly until the floor hits him in the face.”

Bucky just took another bite of a donut before he commented, “Are you always this adorable doll when you threaten murder?”

Tony grinned.

“Only when it’s in the room where most attempted murders happen. Welcome to the house of strays, I promise to keep you well fed and groomed.”

So Bucky Barnes joined the group of strays and was added to the list of living creatures Tony kept that would bug him at midnight if he wasn’t in bed, would cuddle with him in bed, and would receive morning meals(and coffee in his case) in the morning. Only difference was that Bucky was just as much a zombie at eight in the morning and had two middle fingers as greetings for the cats who refused to leave their pet humans alone until they got tuna.

 

3

 

 

Eight in the morning and two zombies were slowly making their way to the kitchen with seven cats trailing behind them each meowing like a chant for food. Tony grumbled and Bucky collapsed just before the kitchen falling asleep where he fell. All seven felines accepting him as their perch as they continued their chant.

Tony grumbled about demanding babies as he got their tuna ready. A strike of thunder outside was only rivaled by Bucky’s snores. Tony figured Thor had finally returned as he continued his morning task while calculating how to have coffee ready in two seconds because Bucky didn’t do mornings without it.

“Man of iron! I seek your aid.” Thor’s voice boomed waking Bucky and before Tony could stop him the former assassin was on his feet scattering protesting kitties everywhere and was across the room flinging the god into the nearby floor in an attractive display of strength.

“Bucky Bear no killing Thor.” Tony said before he noticed the pale half dead looking god of mischief beside where Thor had been standing.

“But he’s so loud.” Bucky half whined because zombie Bucky meant murder Bucky and the god of thunder didn’t stand a chance.

“Here killer assassin, coffee’s ready.”

No man with the abilities of the winter soldier should ever skip across the room looking like a bundle of sunshine and rainbows. Seriously Hydra didn’t even need to program the man, just promise him coffee and half the world would be burning within the hour.

“Sorry about that Thor, he’s a mess without coffee. Give me a moment to feed the babies and then I’ll get to killing you for bringing your psychopath brother into my tower.”

He carried the bowls of tuna to the living room because otherwise he’d trip over the kittens while making breakfast for himself and Bucky. Both of which might consider murder if they didn’t eat after consuming one or two cups of coffee. His horde of kittens trailed behind him with Smaug taking his place on Tony’s shoulders after climbing him. The evil dragon like cat just wouldn’t eat at the same time as his siblings.

“Come on Smaug, just eat with the others.” He grumbled but the cat just let out a deep meow that was a clear ‘no lesser being I will do what I want because I know you’ll end up feeding me bacon’ and damn was it a very correct meow because he would feed him bacon.

“You named your pet after the dragon from the Hobbit?” Loki asked clearly straining to even speak.

Tony stared at him a moment before pointing at him.

“You’re my new favorite.”

The dagger that was thrown flew right past Tony’s face and hit the far wall. Loki looked impressed at the blade embedded in the far wall while Tony gave Bucky a look.

“Seriously Backaroo?”

He shrugged.

“I don’t like being replaced.”

“First of all I have a lot of categories that allow a favorite so you’re not being replaced and second why does everyone either ruin my things or stab me? I mean Loki ruined my window, Hulk ruined my floor, and Nat stabbed me. What the hell?”

Bucky raised a brow and Loki looked half interested and half amused at the comment of the black widow stabbing him.

“And you lived to tell the tale?” Loki asked amused. “Surely she must be losing her touch.”

Tony smirked as he went back to the kitchen as Thor got up confused on what or who had knocked him down.

“So you guys hungry? Loki you look half dead and while I honestly couldn’t care less if you die I don’t want it happening on my floor.”

“Oh well apologies for inconveniencing you. I shall accept your offer in hopes of not dying in your tower dedicated to your ego.”

Bucky and Tony both smirked.

“Oh I like him.” Bucky said pouring a second cup of coffee for himself.”

“Man where was all this snark when he was throwing me through a window? I would have been less angry about it if he’d made some witty comments.”

So two gods, a former assassin, and a genius with a perched cat/dragon on his shoulder that demanded offerings of bacon sat down for breakfast. While they ate the conversation was odd to say the least.

“Why do you never make omelets?” Bucky asked before taking a bite of his scrambled eggs.

“Because I’m not allowed to make them anymore otherwise Pepper and JARVIS conspire against me thinking I’m dying.”

Both gods looked confused.

“Why would the Lady Pepper think you were dying?”

“Because the last time I was dying I told her with an omelet. It was a long time ago and she hasn’t let it go but I guess it’s understandable. I mean thing got crazy when I was dying, it’s why Nat stabbed me.”

“A failed mercy killing?” Loki asked looking quite serious so Tony made a mental note not to be dying around the god.

“Ah no, it was to give me time to save myself. Stabbing to the rescue, no one else but the black widow would do that.”

The three clearly were picturing the black widow stabbing him through the heart and it somehow restoring him to perfect health. Tony was smirking into his coffee as Captain Righteous jumped onto the table staring at Loki.

“Why do I get the feeling this beast is disappointed in me?”

Tony burst out laughing.

“That’s Captain Righteous and he’s just judging me like the little bastard he is. Apparently feeding the enemy is a big no no and I’m sure Capsicle will be so proud of him for already beginning the hours of his disappointed face I’m sure to receive.”

Lokitty sensing the face of disapproval jumped onto the table and pushed his brother off.

“Awe Lokitty I knew you’d save me from the face of disapproval, just next time no attempted murder on your brother.”

The cat looked over the edge before looking at Tony as though to say ‘he’s not dead so why are you lecturing me’ like the cat whisperer he was Tony responded.

“I know he’s not dead but don’t go pushing him off the table.”

Lokitty being the little shit that he was moved over towards him and swiped his luckily empty mug off the table before turning away and jumping off the table.

“Oh that little bastard is going to be the end of me. See what I mean I can’t have nice things. I liked the mug.” Tony pointed at an amused Bucky. “And you, stop ruining my walls. I swear if Pepper sees that she’s going to kill me with her heels. Have you seen how angry red heads get? It’s like if Loki, Thor, and Hulk were all wrapped into one beautiful package and just decided to murder the world.”

Bucky smirked.

“I’ll miss you when your gone.”

Tony threw his hands up into the air in defeat as the assassin took his empty plate away.

“Traitors all of you.”

Bucky smirked as he returned with more coffee because he and Tony were both addicts and they would happily die trying to replace their blood with the life giving liquid.

“So Thor why is your psychopathic little brother here?”

Thor frowned.

“He is to live out his sentence here helping the avengers. I had made the request to my father in hopes he would be safer here than he was in Asgard. Did you name one of your feline friends after him?”

“Yes and it’s quite fitting and if you dare comment on my choice of names Bucky is putting a hole in my floor using your face.”

Smaug meowed encouragement which had Bucky smiling.

“Nothing says fear me like killing a god.” He said sipping his coffee eyeing Thor like he was seriously considering it.

“I was going to spend this entire time complaining and insulting your comrades Thor but I like these two.”

So added to the list of strays that Tony Stark cared for was one Loki Odinson and Thor Odinson.

 

 

 

4

 

 

Tony grumbled the entire way of picking up sweet treats for Loki who had begun destroying random things in the tower when he was denied fresh baked goods daily. The god had a sweet tooth and Tony was halfway to praying the god dropped dead from diabetes after he’d destroyed his TV. The only reason he hadn’t tried praying for the god’s death was because Loki had found his weakness. As he entered the tower and arrived at the floor where his pets were gathered(yes the two gods and assassins were his pets and anyone who denied this could fuck themselves) he found Loki curled up on Bucky with the most adorable black cat ears and tail flicking as though he could sense his treats arriving.

Tony was officially a cat person. Of course Loki had strengthened his efforts by also using his magic on Bucky giving him dog ears and a tail. Said tail was currently wagging like crazy while the former assassin didn’t otherwise outwardly show his happiness at Tony’s return.

Loki jumped to his feet and approaching Tony as his long fluffy black tail flicked showing his irritation for the delay of his treats.

“Hey, there was a long line. Don’t you go being angry with me.”

Loki took his treats and licked Tony’s cheek to show his thanks. Thor had long since stopped making comments about it because once he’d stopped he noticed Loki would tolerate him more. He also no longer got scratched when he called Loki brother. Yes the cat Loki had claws because the god went all out when he did something. Loki was still eating his sweet treats when Steve arrived with Sam.

Both went on the offensive quickly while Bucky looked uninterested as he was petting Loki who was purring while carefully protecting his treats. Of course Bucky struck quickly as he grabbed a donut he knew was Loki’s favorite and tried to run away. The god hissed as he chased after Bucky.

“Give it back you bastard.”

He jumped attempting to catch Bucky but the assassin side stepped and changed course as he ran away eating it.

“Nope it’s mine. Learn to share.”

Loki was again chasing him as Thor laughed loudly but their chase was moving dangerously close to Big Mama and Natalie that were curled around each other sleeping. Tony blocked the path grabbing them both and flinging them away from the path of his babies. None of the current residence of his tower had yet to figure out how he somehow managed to possess super human strength when taking care of his strays(yes the gods and assassin fell into this category because he called dibs and everyone shall respect the rule of dibs). It wasn’t only when protecting his strays either. Loki had fallen asleep on the couch and wouldn’t wake up to move to his bed so Tony had picked him up and carried him to bed. It was only later that Thor had commented on just how much Loki weighed. Even for a runt frost giant normal humans shouldn’t be able to lift his weight. Even Bucky commented on struggling to lift him and he was a super soldier.

“You guys nearly ran over Natalie and Big Mama. If you’re going to fight over sweets I’m not buying anymore.”

All three(Thor only included because he'd lose brother rights if Loki doesn’t have sweets) nearly screamed no.

“We’ll be good.” Loki said his ears drooped because the bastard played up the guilt factor.

“Yeah sorry Tones…” Bucky said looking like a kicked puppy which his dog ears and tail just added to Tony feeling like the bad guy here.

“It's fine.” He said before looking at the confused soldiers that just entered his home. “Both of you go shower you both have floors here that I set up when I extended an invitation to you guys to live here. I don’t like my home being a mess so don’t argue with me. You’re both filthy.”

Steve of course protested and learned very quickly that Tony had claimed him as one of his strays. The smaller man flung Steve over his shoulder and carried a speechless Sam under his other arm as he took them to their respective floors. Both didn’t protest again as they went into the rooms to shower.

When they returned to the common floor the group was settling in for a movie. Steve stared seeing Tony in Bucky’s lap and Loki was comfortable as he was curled against their side.

“Sit down, we’re watching Lord of the Rings.”

Smaug decided the movie was the perfect time to take his rightful place on Tony’s shoulders. Lokitty also arrived and attempted once to take the other cat’s place and after a smack to the head instead curled on top of Thor hissing every time the god attempted to either pet him or move him. Thor silently accepted his fate as a chair to be laid on. Steve and Sam sat down just to weirded out by the situation and the fact that apparently Tony had super human strength. As the movie began Captain Righteous introduced himself to Steve by staring at him with disapproval that had the good captain matching the face. Sam just stared clearly trying to figure out who was disapproving more between the two as Mittens took his place laying on Sam’s lap. Nearing the end of the movie Catbird made an appearance to the group as he greeted the floor with his face when he jumped eagerly from the couch. Tony would never tell Steve that his and Captain Righteous’s matching looks of disapproval as they looked at the awkward cat became the picture on his phone after that.

 

5

 

It was during the morning that zombie Tony was preparing to go feed his household of wayward strays that the last three members of the team arrived to live in the tower. Of course they entered to see the usual line of mother duck and her ducklings’ trailing through the room. This happened every morning as Tony led the way with the line of chanting kittens, zombie Bucky close behind. Loki half asleep walking with his head on Bucky’s shoulder as his only means to remain up right, Thor likely not even awake but by the power of love(brotherly love don’t be weird about it) was following his brother even in his sleep, and two bright eyed recently returned soldiers from their run. Clint had been pissed to see Loki but like Natasha and Bruce he stood there staring at the line of followers and leader.

They just watched with curiosity as it was one of the mornings Bucky couldn’t be responsible for actually being awake as he collapsed to get a few more moments of sleep on the floor. Loki having relied on him for support collapsed to and curled around him letting out ridiculously adorable snores. Having gotten use to the morning routine Tony stopped Thor from attempting to pick up his brother who would no doubt scratch him by distracting the god by tossing a box of poptarts at him. The god could eat even in his sleep as he sat there his eyes closed and began eating his treats. Tony ignored the staring teammates as he set out tuna for the cats and then woke the two sleeping people on the floor with a mug in each hand. Bucky grabbed the coffee saying he would marry Tony for his ability to make the best coffee and Loki promising never to be evil again as long as he woke to the hot chocolate with whip cream and sprinkles that Tony made for him every morning. Tony got his usual cheek lick as thanks and seeing not even Steve or Sam commenting on it neither did the clearly shocked three members of the team.

When Tony made breakfast(pancakes because it was the easiest thing to make for a large group) he set the table to include their newest housemates(and his newest strays, they don’t get a choice in the matter).

“So how long have Loki and Bucky been here?” Natasha asked.

“For a year now? I think. I’m not sure, time flies when you’re taking care of children.”

“I am not a child.” Loki hissed his cat tail fluffing in his anger.

“Of course your not. I was mostly talking about Thor and my babies.”

Thor looked up frowning.

“I am not a child, what makes you think this?”

“Maybe the fact that you smash my stuff like a child would and you can’t be responsible for cooking for yourself.”

Thor didn’t protest after that.

“So…why are they here and why does Loki have cat features and Bucky have dog features?” Bruce asked staring with curiosity only a scientist could have.

“I like the cat ears and Tony buys me treats when I’m like this.”

Bucky just shrugged.

“Anyways welcome to the house of Stark AKA Avengers tower. Be nice to my other strays otherwise no treats.”

The three newest strays looked confused while those who had been there were either willingly allow the smile to show or offering a shy/embarrassed smile. When Tony made new gear for the two assassins for behaving they accepted their roles as part of Tony’s strays. This was a difficult task for Natasha who was pretty sure Natalie was planning her murder but easy for Clint who took a liking to Catbird who offered him plenty of entertainment and took a liking to vents with the archer. Bruce just liked having a lab and a pleasant place to live so he was no longer on the run. The perfect cup of tea in the morning as he to joined the line of followers behind a sleepy Clint and barely managing to hide she hated mornings Natasha was just a bonus.

 

 

+1

 

Natasha, Clint, and Bruce hadn’t believed that Tony somehow became an invincible super human when his strays were in danger or when he was going into over protective mode. That was until Thanos attacked their world. Tony’s suit had been disabled and he and Hulk had been buried under a building. Natasha had a broken leg and was struggling to breathe with her broken ribs while Clint was barely conscious next to her. Steve, Bucky, and Thor were being overrun by chitauri so they were unable to help their comrades. Sam was unconscious but alive.

So when they saw a part of the building burst open as Thanos held Loki by the neck as he gave a long winded speech about making him regret failing him all eyes turned to the building. Nat and Clint expected to see Hulk carrying a dead genius. This isn’t what they saw. They saw Tony Stark(No suit because the thing had been ruined) carrying a full size Hulk who was unconscious through the newly made hole. Tony looked at his strays and looked pissed at the damage he saw done to them. He put Hulk down and stormed over to Thanos who looked amused.

“Don’t tough my Loki!” He said slamming his fist into the giant purple alien sending him flying.

Loki dropped like a sack of potatoes but he was alive as Tony stormed over to the shocked alien. Clint passed out when Tony tore out the alien’s heart with his bare hands. Natasha paled and made a mental note never to piss off Tony. The Hulk hadn’t even been able to do any damage to Thanos yet Tony had just used a single punch to break through bone to rip out a still beating heart. The chitauri gave up seeing the mortal kill their leader. When Asgard’s forces arrived planning to take Loki into custody thinking he’d had something to do with the second chitauri invasion Tony had dropped the bleeding heart at Odin’s feet.

“This is the heart of the one who dared hurt my strays. You’re move.” He challenged.

Odin looked at it knowing just how powerful Thanos was. He looked at Thor who told his father if he wanted to live he wouldn’t hurt what belonged to Tony. Odin listened to his son and later when he found Heimdal a bit pale he was finally told what the mortal had done. He wasn’t going to get on Tony Stark’s bad side.

Later when Coulson came for a report to find Tony gulping down coffee like nothing strange had happened he tested the genius’s strength. Tony had looked at him weird when he was asked to try and lift the lackey agent with him. The agent weighed less than Steve but Tony failed to lift him. Coulson didn’t question it and simply accepted when Tony claimed him one of his strays again. Coulson was pretty sure he’d never be killed now. He didn’t feel like ever being stabbed by an alien again.


End file.
